Monday, August 2, 2010

A Carnival? Really?

So, why a carnival for my theme?

It's simple, in my simple mind, really. 

Carnivals, fairs, circuses, all things in that category create a mixed emotion inside me.  As does life, lately. 

You see, I feel like my life, lately, is much like a tilt-a-whirl.  It sounds like such a good idea to do something like the tilt-a-whirl.  You're going to spin around, carefree, wind whipping through your hair, and're in control of how much spinning is going on.  You wait in line, watching the other riders, listening to their screams of joy, or fear, or their laughter.  And you stand there thinking, "I'm excited.  This is going to be fun."

And then it's your turn.

You sit down, pull down the metal bar, and the ride starts to slowly spin.  You notice that while the ride is spinning, your car is actually spinning, even though you're not trying to make it do so.  "Wait!  I thought I could control my own spinning?!?"  Nope.  The panic sets in.  The ride keeps going.  As you whiz past the operator, you try to look at him with pleading eyes, "make it stop!"  But he is too busy smoking his cigarette and flirting with the underdressed pre-teen waiting in line.

The ride ends.  You get off, only to feel that nauseating feeling in your stomach.  You wonder if you're going to get sick.  Your head pounds, your stomach churns, your heart races.  You notice that your hands are clammy and your legs feel like jelly. 

And a couple hours later?  You do it again.

That's my life right now.  I keep making these choices that SEEM like such a good idea.  I feel, though, like I'm spinning out of control.  Yet I keep doing them over, and over, and over again.

I don't want to ride the tilt-a-whirl.  I want to drink a lemon shake-up and walk among the lights. 

And don't get me started on the ferris wheel...